The Ottawa Rickshaws Blog

Street-level Perspective of Ottawa
If Batman Lived in Ottawa…

If Batman Lived in Ottawa…


By Adam Slight

The hype for The Dark Knight Rises is so unavoidable that even Ottawa Rickshaws will be tying the caped-crusader into its usual Ottawa-themed content.


If Batman Lived In Ottawa…


…The Bat-Mobile would have nowhere to park between 9-5 without getting a ticket

… The Bat-Signal wouldn’t operate after 10pm

… Robin would have to wear pants in the winter

… Cat-Woman would live on Parliament Hill in the cat shelter (and raccoons would definitely not steal the cat food)

… Batman and Robin wouldn’t have to scale skyscrapers any higher than the Parliament Buildings

… Bruce Wayne’s parents were killed by a drunk Leafs fan

… Batman and Robin could legally marry…if they wanted to (after Robin turns 18)

… Wayne Enterprises would have a .ca website

… The Riddler’s riddles would be lost in French translation

… Alfred would have a thick Gatineau-French accent

… Scarecrow would moonlight at Saunder’s Farm in the fall

… The Penguin would rob the Royal Mint every day

… Bain would wear Ed Hardy and frequent Tila Tequila on Thursday nights

… “Pow,” “Kablaam!” “Boom!” would translate to “pûm!” “bap!” and “bóum!”

… Scotia Bank Place would be called Wayne Enterprises Arena

… “Holy Quebec-side Cougars, Batman!” would really be a phrase that means something

… Bruce Wayne would invest in Shawarmas

… The Penguin would attack joggers by the Rideau Canal (Watch this video.)

… Christopher Nolan would be able to take advantage of Canadian tax credits

… The Bat-Mobile would have salt stains

… Batgirl would wear American Apparel and drive a one-speed bike in The Glebe and “fight” corporate record labels instead of crime

… The Ottawa Senators would be villains-on-skates for Mr. Freeze (You’ll get it if you’ve seen Batman and Robin)

… Mr. Freeze would be called “Mr. Average Temperatures”

… Arkham Asylum would be a novelty hostel for tourists or a hipster bar

… The Joker would say “Why so serious?” a lot

The list could go on and on and on! How would you finish the statement “If Batman Lived in Ottawa…”? Write your responses in the comments below, on our Facebook Page, or tweet your response @OttawaRickshaws with hashtag #IfBatmanLivedInOttawa on Twitter.